Pancake Rage

Football Questions and Answers with Tree.

I was at Sally's house today, trying to channel surf, but since Sally doesn't get any real channels (like Cartoon network, Sci Fi, Comedy Central or TV Land) I couldn't find a single thing to watch. This accidentally led me to this years 2nd football game that I have seen- Ohio vs. Michigan.

To summarize the game for those of you who missed it-

Ohio was kicking some serious ass for a while, but apparently Michigan kicked more ass, because the final score was something akin to 777 vs 21.

And, since I rarely watch football, I gave Tree a call to ask some questions- Tree knows everything about sports. Here are some of the things that I learned...

"How many periods, quarters, or whatever are there in Football?" Four. (this just shows the sadness that is my football knowledge.)

"What does the giant letter R stand for on the back of the refs shirt?" Uhm, referee. And there is also a BJ and SJ and others.

"Do they spell something if the refs all stand in a line?" Uhm, no.

moving to a commercial...

"Hey, which team has a giant red turnip for a mascot?" Uhm, giant turnip?

"Yeah. Big, red, shaped like a turnip." I don't know, I missed that commercial.

"Wait, there it goes again...oh, nevermind, that was a giant red bird."

Bingo is not for the faint of heart.

My mom invited me to Bingo last night, and since I don't see my mom often, I said "sure Mom, why not?"

Now that I am safe at home and away from such a crazy, dangerous environment, let me tell you- bingo is more then just a room full of old people with no purpose in life who are taking out their anger and frustration on a page full of numbers.

Instead- it is like some weird cross between the Matrix, Real Ultimate Power, and ritualized combat, with bingo numbers whipping to and fro- old ladies jumping around with bingo dobbers in each hand kicking ass left and right, and a feeding frenzy of instant win scratch tickets.

Some of those old ladies move faster then I do, and, yes, they could probably all kick my pansy bingo ass.

Pinky is a murderous bastard.

So, I've spent most of the day playing with my Namco Museum collection that I purchased yesterday, and I've come to a conclusion about the original Pac Man game. Pinky is a murderous bastard, hands down.

While all of the other ghosts are fairly mild mannered, and a little bit, shall we say retarded, Pinky, on the other hand, is a raving, ravaging, sneak up behind you, jump around corners, pancake raging murder you any way he can BASTARD!

I am so sick of Pinky. If it weren't for him I could spend many hours happily chomping along my little mazes, eating ghosts, fruits, and just damn dominating the game. I can't count the number of times that such was the case when, BAM!, along comes Pinky and stabs me in the back. Damn him!

Oh, Pinky, I rue the day you received your license to kill.

Instant Galaga Happiness.

So, like most people, I suddenly developed an uncontrollable urge to play some good old Galaga. I'm pretty sure that this urge all started because the other day I was in a gas station and saw the arcade version of Galaga- either that, or it was the chocolate milk that I bought while I was there.

Either way, I went to the mall, found a Namco Museum collection for the PS/2 and happily plunked down my $20.00. I ran home, slammed the disc in, and viola! Instant Galaga happiness. By the way, the collection includes Pac Man, Dig Dug, Pole Position and one or two other games- let me tell you, I am a happy camper!

The story of Timmy----

Stupid pancakes! I hate them. They piss me off- they ruin too many lives. Recently I came across a story of a man who, after eating pancakes, had a pancake rage attack while driving to work and struck a little boy- Timmy- with his car.

Did Fred mean to kill Timmy? Was Fred a bad man? No- he was a poor man suffering from a disease that he knew nothing about. If he had been properly diagnosed he could have been helped, shown how to cope with his illness, how to protect himself and those he loved. Most importantly, little Timmy would still be alive.

How many have to suffer before we start educating people about Pancake rage? Please people, help me get the word out!

"Luke...I am your father, motherfucker." -James Earl Jones

In honor of the release of the new matrix film: themeatrix.com

Okay, so The 3rd Matrix actually came out Nov. 5th and I am just a little behind, but what the hey- go Moopheous!

Church signs, get your fresh church signs!

Stupid Evil Bastard wrote "The Minx sent me a link to an entry by Michele over at A Small Victory which in turn linked to the Church Sign Generator".

Martin Luther King never had a dream.

Marin Luther King never had a dream- he made it all up. Think about it. When was the last time you had a really good dream, woke up the next morning, and went "Wow, what a sweet dream that was. I was Scooby Doo, and I was being chased by the evil Kool-Aid Man of Doom. Sweet!"

It never happens like that, people. If Martin Luther King had really had a dream, he would have woke up the next day and gone "Hey, that's it! I had a dream. I....I....daaammmmnnn. " Seriously. MLK's speech as you know it had nothing to do with a dream- he made the entire thing up and you are his little fool bitches for believing him. Shame on you!

“What’s your name?” “Who friggen cares, I’m old! Want to try on my teeth?” -Radio

"Yes." -DWR

"Are you raining hate and discontent again, David?" -AmyJ

The Yapper Mutts...

This weekend I watched the dogs for Dodger and Judy. Both dogs are small dogs and are yappers. That makes them annoying. All weekend long- oh no, not the big bad wind -bark bark, yap yap, grrrr. In stereo no less.

What is it with little dogs? Why do they have to bark at and chase everything? Do you ever just get the urge to go "Go get it little dog. Go on! Catch the big speeding truck! Betch ya can't do it...!"

Oh yeah, and to make things worse, one of those dogs was a crapper. Lots and lots of crap coming out of such a small dog.

Between the yapping and the crapping, I don't think I want a dog anymore.

Pancake Rage - The Song

I've sunk so far into a depresion over my disease - the pain, it's almost too much. Here is a song that I wrote trying to cope...

Feels like i've made a mistake, I suffer from Pancake Rage.

But now I have to let you go, I have to let you go.

You left a stain, on every one of my good days.

But I am stronger than you know, I have to let you go.

No one's ever turned me over, no one's ever tried to talk me down.

Pancake Rage, go f@!k yourself!

I got a disease, deep inside me, makes me feel uneasy baby.

I would live without you, tell me what i'm supposed to do about it?

Keep your distance from it, don't pay no attention to me.

I got a disease.

Feels like i'm starting again, i'm hell on wheels in a black rage.

It drove me to the fire, and left me there to burn.

Every little thing I do is tragic, all my life, oh was magic.

Pancake Rage, I can't breathe.

I got a disease, deep inside me, makes me feel uneasy baby.

I would live without you, tell me what i'm supposed to do about it?
Keep your distance from it, don't pay no attention to me .

I got a disease, I think that I'm sick.

But leave me be while my world is coming down on me.

You taste like syrup, butter, tell me can I be your honey?

Be, be strong, keep telling myself it that won't take long till

I'm free of my disease, yeah well free of my disease.

Free of my disease.

I got a disease, deep inside me, makes me feel uneasy baby.

I would live without you, tell me what I'm supposed to do about it?

Keep your distance from it, don't pay no attention to me.

I got a disease, I think that I'm sick.

But leave me be while my world is coming down on me.

You taste like syrup, butter, tell me can I be your honey?
Be, be strong, keep telling myself it that won't take long till
I'm free of my disease, yeah well free of my disease.
Free of my disease!